February 2012
16 posts
The full text chat with "Cyril Ming" from BT.
Cyril Ming: Hello. I'm Cyril Ming. Thanks for that information, I'll check it and get back to you in a moment.
Roger Vaughan: Cyril?
Roger Vaughan: Are you there?
Cyril Ming: hello robert i have looked at your account
Roger Vaughan: It's Roger!
Cyril Ming: your bills have never been £11.00 sorry roger
Cyril Ming: i have gone back a few years and do not see any bills for £11.00
Cyril Ming: we have had a price increase on 1/12/2011 and all customers have been advised back in september 2011
Cyril Ming: this would only have affected you with line rental from £13.90 to £14.60
Roger Vaughan: But it increases all the time.
Roger Vaughan: Why is it never the same amount each month?
Roger Vaughan: Ah - forget it.
Roger Vaughan: I'm going with Sky.
Roger Vaughan: It's £12 for their service.
Cyril Ming: well your latest bill has line rental charge for the month of £14.60 but you also have our free call display, this is free to bt customers who make calls through are network, to avail of this free customers have to make 2 calls per month, if this is not done there is a charge for the service at £2.70 and i see this is also on your latest bill bringing the bill to the total of £17.30
Cyril Ming: im sorry our service is not £12.00
Roger Vaughan: Good day.
The youth of today
I was having something to eat in the pub just before the Big Country gig last night. A pleasant young waitress served me. She didn't seem overly bright, (without disrespecting her too much). I'd caught her attention, and asked for my bill, she came over with the card machine, and smiled. And so the conversation goes...
Waitress: So, have you got any plans now then?
Me: Erm, yeah, i'm just off to a gig up at the academy!
Waitress: Oh, cool. Who's playing?
Me: A group called Big Country. One of my all time favourites.
Waitress: Oh cool. What, is it like country music or somert?
Me: Erm, no love.
Waitress: Oh, right.
Office banter
Roj: He asked if i wanted a brew by asking if I "wanted a cup".
Adam: I'd take that as "Do you want me to hold your balls".
“It’s a wonder the floor hasn’t given way.”
– Roj (on the overweight snooker player Stephen Lee).
Blonde moment, at work.
Beth : "I've always wanted to go to Indonesia!"
Sam : "Is that in India?"
Is it really "that" cold?!
We all like to talk about the weather. (Yes WE ALL do). This week, the mercury has dropped below zero for the first time this winter period. With it, it’s brought countless gripes, whinges and moans from people telling you “it’s freezing”.
The country is littered with twats like this.
Now, i remember last year when ith it -17C one night. The pipes to my washing machine...
January 2012
21 posts
“Any tits in there? Any porn?!”
– Bloke in the takeaway (to me, after I picked up a newspaper).
WatchPlaying Driver San Francisco earlier. Went a bit berserk.
“You wouldn’t trust anyone who didn’t have gravy, would you?”
– Jon
“They send out a few storyboards, and we agree on the one that makes us look the...”
– Stuart Adamson (the late great Big Country star talking about how the group made music videos).
“Right let’s sup up I’m not talking to these noisy piss heads all...”
– Rochelle
Incident earlier...
Idiot : "Phil Lines was trying to get hold of you"
Me : "Couldn't give a fuck if Tosh Lines was after me."
eBay - home of the dickhead.
I'm selling an old laptop that i don't use. It has a fault, and needs a new part. It's not a bad spec still. I got an enquiry.
Idiot - "hi, distorted image when connected to external monitor also? what kind of best offer would u accept?"
(Notice the crap grammar. He's obviously scared of the SHIFT key).
Me - "I think so. I'm looking for around £200. Working models go for around £300."
Idiot - "just don't understand how your best offer price that you're asking is MORE than your asking price??"
(God knows what the pillock is on about here!)
Me - "Try reading my response again - carefully."
Looking forward to seeing what the dickhead replies with next.
2 tags
“I just think he’s a right bloody dickhead.”
– Elaine at work (on a member of staff).
“If there’s two men you don’t want as your...”
– Roj (after James and Seans poor pub quiz performance).
WatchJust filmed the cat playing with her toy robin.
“Wakefield’s the name,
Shares are my game”
– Mick
December 2011
17 posts
Goodbye 2011, hello 2012!
So, that’s it for another year. It’s been a strange one this year - a lot has happened. Because i like my “Top 10’s” i’m going to try sum the year up in that manner, so here goes.
10. Movember. Never really been able to grow a tash, but along with some of the lads at work, i gave it a go.
As you can see, it wasn’t great, but it was for a good cause.
...
“Never been a COD fan myself…
I’ve always preferred haddock!”
– Jim (on Modern Warfare 3)
A great Rochelle comment...
Roj : [on a friendly barmaid] She's lovely, isn't she?
Rochelle : She's anorexic though...
